No one ever checks my blog anymore,

And I am so glad about this. I just want to throw out some thoughts to the internet. The thought of someone being able to see my inner thoughts is so thrilling. But, I am so glad that none of my friends check my blogspot anymore.

I just wanted to start sharing more on here I guess. I just have tons of first world problems *rolls my eyes*. I have been so up-set about my "J-wow" problem. I want a fairytale. I think everyone wants a fairytale. I have have been watching tons of Disney movie/Anastasia these fews day since "J" has been becoming distant to me. I guess we are even that distant we are just not moving forward. You can't have a relationship with someone and it be one note forever. I guess right now our lives are moving in different directions. We can't be "REAL" and "TOGETHER" if we have separate lives. J is so scared to show me his world. I brought him to my house and my family knows him. All my friends are also aware of him, give it to him he hasn't hung out with my friends either but I feel like I open up more then he does. He doesn't want to share a life with me. And he is okay with sharing it with Z but they aren't even happy with each other, well J isn't. At least he tells me he isn't. I guess he is looking for that perfect image, and I am not apart of that image, which is understandable. I am not the cookie cutter blonde haired Z. I am me. This would be totally different if we didn't met like we did. J and I met on extremely odd terms. So starting off the way we did really goes with our whole up and down relationship.

We had a fight today, and he stopped texting me. But for me I can't stop texting him because I want to share every moment with him, through text. I want to share it in real life too but right now our real lives don't really go together. I wish it did. I wish it was perfect. We all want perfection our love lives. I know we are all searching for someone. It is so interesting how we are all on this search for our own little fariytale. I know everything isn't prefect with J and I am leaving to New York City, the island of sexy singles, but all I want is J. I could spend the rest of my life with him. But, I know for him I am not the "one". WOW, my life is like the characters of 500 Days of Summer. I am the love stuck male, Joseph, and he is the girl, Zooey. J, I love you. And I always will. Even if this is the end, there will always be a piece of you in me. In the end I hope you find your happiness, because I sure as hell will find mine.

Signing off XOXOXOX- G