Losing,

All I am feeling right now is heart ache. I can't shake this losing feeling.

hu hu hu ;(

I am so nervous about going to New York City today! I can't do it, I just can't!

I just told my friend Christina that I started my blogspot again, she is going to be so annoyed at all the sad posts about Jeremy. Whatever, my blog my rules.

So this had been one full day of no talking to Jeremy. I deleted my Twitter and Tumblr because I didn't want to see any of his post anymore and to stop myself from posting stuff about him on them because he would be able to check those. He could check this one but he doesn't even know about my blogspot so it is no big deal. I miss him a ton and have been checking all his social networking sites....he posted nothing all day. I hope he has a good life. I miss sharing mine with him. He was really a nice guy, that had a boy friend and that messed up everything. Plus, he isn't ready for someone like me in his life right now. The timing in our lives are off. I'll just have to learn that things are sometimes not meant to be.

ARGH I ACTUALLY DON'T WANT TO LEARN THAT! BOOOOOOO!! I MAKE MY OWN RULES! SCREW NOT BEING MEANT TO BE. YOUUUUUUUUUUU R MEANT 4 ME NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE FIGHT IT!

But you will have to learn that yourself..... because I am not going to try anymore. People should try harder for me, well people as in him because I tried so hard for me for so long. Now isn't it my turn?

"You came into my life, you cannot separate yourself."- Iglu & Hartly

I will blog about my time in New York when I get back & my emotions. Maybe I'll post photos too.

It's over,

So we broke up-ish, well we were never together to actually be broken up. Yup, happened yesterday during a phone call at Forever 21. Now I'm watching "When Harry met Sally" depressed that I have to dive back into the ocean with all the other fishes in the sea. Yes, when all I want it that one fish that got away.

No problem, I am going to New York City tomorrow with my father. Just another step into my future and farther away from the guy that let me go. Hey, I am a catch! And he let me go like it was not problem, maybe I should reevaluate myself.

XOXOX-G

No one ever checks my blog anymore,

And I am so glad about this. I just want to throw out some thoughts to the internet. The thought of someone being able to see my inner thoughts is so thrilling. But, I am so glad that none of my friends check my blogspot anymore.

I just wanted to start sharing more on here I guess. I just have tons of first world problems *rolls my eyes*. I have been so up-set about my "J-wow" problem. I want a fairytale. I think everyone wants a fairytale. I have have been watching tons of Disney movie/Anastasia these fews day since "J" has been becoming distant to me. I guess we are even that distant we are just not moving forward. You can't have a relationship with someone and it be one note forever. I guess right now our lives are moving in different directions. We can't be "REAL" and "TOGETHER" if we have separate lives. J is so scared to show me his world. I brought him to my house and my family knows him. All my friends are also aware of him, give it to him he hasn't hung out with my friends either but I feel like I open up more then he does. He doesn't want to share a life with me. And he is okay with sharing it with Z but they aren't even happy with each other, well J isn't. At least he tells me he isn't. I guess he is looking for that perfect image, and I am not apart of that image, which is understandable. I am not the cookie cutter blonde haired Z. I am me. This would be totally different if we didn't met like we did. J and I met on extremely odd terms. So starting off the way we did really goes with our whole up and down relationship.

We had a fight today, and he stopped texting me. But for me I can't stop texting him because I want to share every moment with him, through text. I want to share it in real life too but right now our real lives don't really go together. I wish it did. I wish it was perfect. We all want perfection our love lives. I know we are all searching for someone. It is so interesting how we are all on this search for our own little fariytale. I know everything isn't prefect with J and I am leaving to New York City, the island of sexy singles, but all I want is J. I could spend the rest of my life with him. But, I know for him I am not the "one". WOW, my life is like the characters of 500 Days of Summer. I am the love stuck male, Joseph, and he is the girl, Zooey. J, I love you. And I always will. Even if this is the end, there will always be a piece of you in me. In the end I hope you find your happiness, because I sure as hell will find mine.

Signing off XOXOXOX- G